The Top 10 Signs Your Divorce Isn't Going Well

The Top 10 Signs Your Divorce Isn't Going Well 10) Your spouse's lawyer has suddenly taken to lighting his cigarettes with twenties. 9) Your own lawyer is using his 1985 Plymouth Caravan as his office. 8) Your spouse's attorney is seeking the death penalty. 7) Your husband has been granted temporary custody of one of your implants. 6) Your mother's name appears on your wife's witness list! 5) Your portion of the settlement, so far: three Chia pets and the Wham! CD collection. 4) Jerry Springer has cancelled your appearance, citing "Safety Concerns" as the reason. 3) You discover, moments too late, that Judge Jacques' last name is actually *not* pronounced "Jack-ass." 2) The judge is seriously considering your spouse's request for custody of your immortal soul. And the CLEAREST SIGN that your divorce is NOT going well... 1) In her search for hidden assets, your wife hires a proctologist.